Active listening is a complex communicativeSkill, the semantic perception of speech. It involves direct interaction of all participants in the process of communication (listening and speaking) and indirect interaction, when speech is perceived, sounding on TV, radio, computer, etc. Active listening can help to understand, evaluate and remember the information transmitted by the interlocutor. Also, the techniques of active listening can induce an individual to respond, direct the conversation in the right direction, preventing an incorrect, erroneous understanding or misinterpretation of messages received from the interlocutor.
The technique of active listening
The term active hearing Hippenreiter introduced intoOur culture. In her opinion, active listening must be meaningful for everyone, as it opens up new opportunities for building up a deep contact between parents and their children, adult spouses with each other, work colleagues, etc. Such a hearing is capable of removing emerging conflicts and tensions, creating an atmosphere of good And warmth, the spirit of mutual acceptance. In the book Gippenreiter "Wonders of active listening" the step-by-step instruction on mastering the skill of active listening, answers to frequently arising questions and a mass of life examples that show the effectiveness of the ability to listen actively.
The goal of any hearing is to receive bothYou can have more complete information to make the right decision. The quality of any conversation depends not only on the ability to speak, but also on the ability to perceive information. When the subject is interested in the conversation, he tries to listen carefully and involuntarily turns his face to the subject who is currently speaking, or leans in his direction, i.e. An eye contact is established.
The ability to listen as if "whole body" helps betterTo understand the person of the interlocutor and shows the interlocutor interest in it. It is necessary to listen to the interlocutor always carefully, especially when there is a danger of any misunderstandings. Formation of misunderstandings is possible when the conversation itself or its subject is too complex for understanding or completely unfamiliar. It also happens when the speaker is experiencing some speech defects or accent. In such cases and in many others it is necessary to develop skills of active listening.
Important in any interaction, especially to establish contact with children or spouses among themselves is unconditional acceptance. Communication should be based on the principle of unconditional acceptance.
Unconditional acceptance is, mainly,Demonstration to another individual that a person exists and has its significance. To achieve the unconditional acceptance of one individual by another one can be by means of many factors, for example, by asking questions that demonstrate to the individual that his opinion is important to you, that you would like to know and understand him better. But the most important thing in the question is the answer to it. It is in such cases that techniques for active listening are needed. There are the following techniques: "echo", paraphrasing and interpretation.
The technique of "echo" is a literal repetitionThe last words of the interlocutor, but with interrogative intonation. Paraphrasing consists in briefly conveying the essence of the information transmitted by the partner. Usually begins with the words: "if I understood you correctly, then ...". Interpretation is an assumption about the real, correct meaning of what has been said, about its purposes and causes. Here a phrase of this type is used: "I suppose that you ...".
The technique of active listening is: In the ability to listen and empathize with the interlocutor; In clarifying for themselves information, by paraphrasing the statements of the interlocutor; In the ability to ask questions about the topic of conversation.
Thanks to the active listening method in humansWill increase self-esteem, improve interaction with others. Active listening helps identify problems and possible solutions.
The ability to listen actively is aA certain algorithm of actions. So, the first thing that should be done with active listening is to look at the interlocutor, since eye contact is an important element of communication. The interest in the information conveyed by the interlocutor is expressed by looking into the eyes of the interlocutor.
And if you examine the interlocutor completely ("withHead to toe "), then it shows that you are more important than the person you are talking to and not the information that is transmitted to them. If during the conversation to consider the surrounding objects, this will indicate that the person is not important neither the interlocutor nor the information transmitted to them, specifically at the moment.
The main element of active listening isThe ability to show the interlocutor that he is listening attentively and with interest. This is achieved by accompanying the partner's speech by nodding his head, uttering such words as "yes", "I understand you", etc. However, excessive manifestation can cause a back reaction.
Also, do not try to end the sentenceInstead of the interlocutor, even under the condition, full understanding of what the subject of communication wants to say. It is necessary to allow the individual to understand and to finish the thought himself.
In situations where something in the conversation is unclear,Should ask questions. It is necessary to address the interlocutor for clarification or clarification. The desire to obtain clarifying or additional information is one of the most important indicators of active listening. In cases when it is clear what the interlocutor is talking about, but he can not express his thoughts on his own, one can help him with a question. But since, each question implies only a few answers, you should learn to ask the right questions.
Another important element of active perceptionIs paraphrasing the utterances of the communication partner. Paraphrasing involves trying to clarify the meaning of a statement by repeating the same information to the partner, but in other words. In addition to correct understanding, paraphrasing also provides an additional opportunity for the interlocutor to notice that he is listened attentively and tries to understand.
Important in the active perception isObservation of feelings of a partner. To do this, you can use a phrase of this type - "I understand how difficult it is for you to talk about it," etc. This shows the partner that he is sympathetic. The emphasis should be on reflecting the feelings that are expressed by the interlocutor, his emotional state and attitudes.
The main characteristic feature of activePerception, which increases its effectiveness, is determined by the fact that in the process of verbal communication all possible misinterpretations and doubts are eliminated. Ie, when the communication partner is from the position of active listening - he can always be sure that he understands the interlocutor correctly. It is the reverse verbal communication that confirms the correctness of the partner's understanding and attitude to him without prejudice, and makes active perception (listening) such an effective means of communication. More detailed description of techniques of active perception in the book "Miracles of active listening" Julia Gippenreiter.
Active listening methods
Active listening, sometimes calledReflective, sensitive, thoughtful - this is the most effective way of perceiving any information today. That is why it is so important to use the techniques of active listening in everyday life.
Among the receptions of active listening, the following are distinguished: pause, clarification, retelling, development of thought, communication about perception, communication about perception of oneself, remarks about the course of the conversation.
Pause gives an opportunity for a partner in the verbalCommunication to think. After such a pause, the interlocutor can add something else, say something that he would not have said before. It also enables the listener to step back from himself, his assessments, feelings, thoughts and focus on the interlocutor. The ability to switch to the internal process of a communication partner, moving away from oneself is one of the most difficult and most important conditions for active perception, which creates a trusting mood between the partners in the conversation.
The clarification is understood as the request to clarify orClarify anything from the spoken speech. At any usual communication small inaccuracies and understatements are thought out by communicators for each other. However, when emotionally significant issues are touched upon in the course of a conversation, complex topics are discussed, often involuntarily interlocutors avoid raising painful questions. Refinement is able to maintain an understanding of the thoughts and feelings of the interlocutor in the situation that has arisen.
A retelling is an attempt of a listening interlocutorIn your own words, briefly repeat what the partner said. In this case, the one who listens, should try to highlight and emphasize the most important thoughts and accents. The retelling is an opportunity for feedback, an understanding of how the words sound from the outside. The result of the retelling may be either the receipt of an interlocutor confirmation that it is understood, or there is the possibility of correcting statements. Also, retelling can serve as a way to summarize the subtotals.
With the help of the reception of the development of thought, an attempt is made to pick up and advance further the course of the main idea or thought of the interlocutor.
The listener can tell his interlocutor his impression of him, which was formed in the process of communication. Such a reception is called a perception message.
A message from the listener to the interlocutor about the changes that have occurred in his personal state during the hearing is called receiving a message about the perception of himself. For example, "I hate to hear it."
Attempt of the listener to inform on how, onIn his opinion, one can understand the conversation wholly and completely called the reception of a comment about the course of the conversation. For example, "like we have reached a common understanding of the issue."
Methods of active listening
The ability to listen carefully and understand a partner in a conversation in psychology is called -
. There are three stages of empathy: Empathy, empathy and sympathy. Empathy occurs when a person feels emotions identical to natural ones. So, for example, if one person's grief happened, then another can cry with him. Empathy is the emotional response, the urge to help others. So, if one has a grief, the second does not cry with him, but offers help.
Sympathy is manifested in a warm, friendly attitude towards other people. So, for example, when you like a person externally, ie. It causes sympathy, I want to talk to him.
Empathy helps one person understand betterAnother, the opportunity to show the other that it is important. Some people have innate empathy or can develop this quality. In order to develop empathy in itself, there are two methods: the i-statement method and the active listening method.
The method of active listening is a technique thatIt is used in the practice of psychological and psychotherapeutic counseling, at various trainings. It allows you to better understand the psychological state, thoughts, feelings of the interlocutor with the help of certain techniques that involve the active manifestation of personal considerations and experiences.
The author of this method is Carl Rogers. He believed that the four main elements form the foundation of meaningful and beneficial relationships: the expression of feelings, the regular fulfillment of obligations, the lack of characteristic roles, the ability to complicity in the inner life of another.
The essence of the method of active perception lies in the skillListen, and most importantly hear more than they say, while giving direction in the right direction with the help of short phrases. The interlocutor should not just speak out, the partner in the conversation must invisibly participate in the monologue with the help of simple phrases, as well as the repetition of the words of the interlocutor, to paraphrase them and direct them in the right direction. This technique is called empathic hearing. During such a hearing, it is necessary to step back from personal thoughts, assessments and feelings. The main point during an active hearing is that the partner in verbal communication should not express his own opinion and thoughts, evaluate one or another act or event.
Active listening has several specificMethods: paraphrasing or echotechnics, summary, emotional repetition, refinement, logical consequence, nonreflective listening, nonverbal behavior, verbal signs, mirror image.
Echotechnics consists in expressing thoughts differently. The main goal of ecotechnics is to clarify the message, show the partner in communication that he heard, the delivery of a kind of sound signal "I'm the same as you". This method is concluded in the fact that one interlocutor returns another of his statements (several phrases or one), paraphrasing them with his own words while inserting introductory phrases. To paraphrase information it is necessary to choose the most significant and significant points of statements. With the so-called "return" of the replica, it is not necessary to explain what has been said.
A feature of this technique is its usefulnessIn those cases when the statements of the interlocutor seem to understand his partner in communication. It often happens that such "clarity" is illusory and there is no real clarification of all the circumstances. Echotechnics can be easy and easy to solve such a problem. This technique gives the partner in communication the idea that he was understood and encouraged to discuss what seems most important. With the help of paraphrasing, one subject of communication allows another to hear his statement from the outside, makes it possible to notice mistakes, to understand and clearly formulate his thoughts. In addition, this technique gives time for reflection, which is especially necessary in a situation where it is impossible to immediately find the answer.
Summarizing is the summing up,The allocation of the main idea, the reproduction of the words of the interlocutor in a generalized and condensed form. The main purpose of this method is to show that the one who listens has caught the speaker's information completely, and not just one part. The summary is transmitted using a specific set of specific phrases. For example, "in this way". This method helps when discussing claims or solving problems. Summary is very effective in cases where the clarification was at an impasse or was delayed. This technique is quite effective and uninventive way to end the conversation with a too talkative or simply talkative interlocutor.
Emotional repetition is a shortThe repetition of what was heard, better with the use of the client's key words and phrases. In this reception you can ask questions by type: "Did I understand you correctly?" At the same time, the interlocutor is pleased that he was heard and understood correctly, and the other will remember what he heard.
The clarification consists in addressing the speakerSubject for a specific refinement. It is necessary to begin with elementary questions - clarifying. The effectiveness of clarification in most cases depends on the technique of posing questions. Questions should be of an open type, should be - as if unfinished. Clarifying questions usually begin with the words "where", "how", "when", etc. For example: "what do you mean?". With the help of such questions it is possible to collect necessary and meaningful information that reveals the inner meaning of communication. Such questions are explained to both partners in the conversation details that were missed in communication. In this way they show the interlocutor that the partner is interested in what he hears. With the help of questions, one can influence the situation in such a way that its development proceeds in the right direction. With the help of this technique it is possible to detect lies and its background, without engendering from the partner in the communication of hostility. For example: "Can you repeat it again?" With this technique, you should not ask questions that require monosyllabic answers.
The logical consequence implies the conclusionListener of the logical consequence of the statements of the speaker. This method makes it possible to clarify the meaning of what was said, to obtain information without using direct questions. Such a method differs from the others in that the interlocutor does not simply paraphrase or summarize the message, but makes an attempt to derive from the statement of the logical consequence, suggests the reasons for the statements. This method involves avoiding haste in conclusions and using non-categorical formulations and softness of tone.
Unreflexive listening or attentive silenceLies in the silent perception of all information without parsing or sorting. Since sometimes any phrase of the listener can be either missed "by the ears", or, worse, can cause aggression. This is because such phrases go against the desire of the interlocutor to speak out. When using this method, one should be made to understand the interlocutor by means of a signal that the listener is focused on his words. As a signal, you can use the nod head, change facial expressions or affirmative replicas.
Nonverbal behavior is in the visualContact duration of direct look directly into the eyes of the interlocutor no more than three seconds. Then you need to look at the bridge of the nose, middle of the forehead, chest.
Active posture implies a hearing with expressive facial expressions, a bright face, and not with a disdainful expression on the face.
Verbal signs consist in giving the interlocutor signals about attention with such phrases as: "continue", "I understand you", "yes-yes".
Mirror reflection is manifestationEmotions, which are consonant with the emotions of the partner in communication. However, this method will be effective only if the real experiences that are felt at a particular moment are reflected.
Active listening examples
Active listening can be used toIncrease the effectiveness of sales. Active perception in sales is one of the main skills of a successful seller (sales manager), helping to "talk" the prospective buyer. This skill should be used at all stages of the client-manager interaction. It is more effective to actively listen at the initial stage of the research, when the seller finds out what exactly the client needs, and also at the stage of working with objections.
Active listening in the field of sales is necessary forThat customers willingly talk about their problems. To make a profitable offer to a specific potential buyer, you need to understand that it will be profitable. To find out, you should ask the right questions. Two methods of active listening are used: non-verbal, paraphrasing, summary and clarification.
Active listening is also necessary in the interactionWith children, which consists in using certain methods. In order to listen to the child, one should turn to face it so that the eyes are on the same level. If the baby is very small, you can take it in your arms or sit down. Do not talk with children from different rooms or turn away from them, doing some work around the house. As for the pose, the child will judge how important it is for parents to communicate with him. The answers of parents should sound in the affirmative form. It is necessary to avoid phrases that are designed in the form of a question or do not reflect sympathy. It is necessary to pause after each replica. Hippenreiter described in more detail the active listening in her books.
Active listening is irreplaceable in familyRelations, and in business, in almost any sphere of personal interaction. An example of encouraging active listening is the phrase: "I listen to you", "Very interesting". An example of clarification is the phrase - "How did this happen?", "What do you mean?". An example of empathy is the phrase: "you seem a little upset." An example of summary is the phrase: "I understand this is the key thought of what you said?".
Active listening exercise
There is a huge variety of differentExercises to develop techniques of active listening. Exercise "active listening" assumes the presence of several participants, it will last 60 minutes. All participants sit in a circle. Exercise is performed in pairs, so each participant is offered a choice of a partner.
Further cards are distributed, with written rulesActive listening. The roles are allocated in pairs. One partner will be "listening", and the second - "talking". The task includes several consecutive stages, designed for a limited period of time. The facilitator tells you what to do when you start the task, and when to finish it.
So, the first stage is that"Speaking" for five minutes tells his partner about a couple about the difficulties of their personal lives, problems in interacting with others. Particular attention "speaker" should give those qualities that give rise to such difficulties. "Listener" at this time must comply with the rules of active listening, thereby helping the interlocutor talk about himself. The leader stops talking after five minutes. Further, the "speaker" is asked within one minute to tell the "listener" that it helps to open and talk freely about one's life, and what, on the contrary, made this narration difficult. It is important to take this step seriously, because so the "listener" can find out for himself what he is doing wrong.
After a lapse of a minute, the facilitator gives the second assignment. "Talking" should for five minutes tell a partner about a couple about the strengths of his personality in communication, which helps him to establish interaction, build relationships with other actors. "Listener" again must actively listen, using certain rules and techniques and taking into account the information received from his partner during the previous minute.
After a lapse of five minutes, the host stopsCommunication and offers the third stage. Now the "listener" should tell the "speaker" in five minutes what he remembered and understood for himself from the partner's two stories about himself. At this time, the "speaker" should remain silent and show only whether the person expresses agreement with what the "listener" says or not. If the "speaker" shows that the partner did not understand him, then the "listener" corrects himself, until the "speaker" nods, confirming the correctness of the words. After the end of the story of the "listener", his partner can note that it was skewed or missed.
The second part of the exercise involves changing the roles of the "listener" to the "speaker" and vice versa. These stages are repeated, but the facilitator starts a new stage each time, gives the task and finishes it.
The final stage will be a joint discussionWhat role would be harder, which methods of active listening would be easier and which, on the contrary, harder, harder to talk about, communication difficulties or strengths, what partners felt as a "speaker", what effect different actions had "The listener".
As a result of this exercise, a skill is formedListen to a partner in communication, aware of barriers to hearing such as assessment, the desire to give advice, to tell something from past experience. The skills of active listening will improve everyday interaction with people in their personal lives, as well as in public. They are also indispensable assistants in the conduct of business, especially if it is related to the field of sales.